Episode 11 - Bugging People and Making Friends with Ben Goldschmidt

This engaging episode of the Amusing Minds Podcast features guest Ben Goldschmidt, delving into the intriguing topic of "bugging people and making friends," which is primarily interpreted as the nuanced role of teasing in fostering and maintaining relationships. The discussion opens with Larry sharing his childhood experiences of being teased, a common occurrence as children navigate social interactions from kindergarten through high school. Host Ben defines teasing as a fundamental process of testing social boundaries to discern what is acceptable and what is not within a relationship. The episode then explores various personal experiences with teasing and the development of nicknames. Host Ben recounts being teased in middle school about his appearance, which prompted a significant change in his look during high school.

Guest Ben shares nicknames he's acquired, such as "Ben Jammin" and "Benny G Ride," and discusses how the latter nickname initially strengthened a friendship, though the bond eventually dissolved due to the other person's actions. Larry also mentions his childhood nicknames like "grubby" and "little Larry," as well as his online screen name "Lahri," which originated from a friend's mispronunciation. A critical aspect of the conversation is the delicate line between teasing and bullying. The guests emphasize that teasing crosses into bullying when an individual explicitly requests it to stop, or if the teasing becomes the primary basis of the connection. They stress the crucial importance of reading social cues and recognizing when someone is genuinely uncomfortable.

The discussion further distinguishes between teasing about controllable traits (like behavior) versus uncontrollable traits (like names or appearance), suggesting that initial teasing should stick to more general, controllable aspects. Deeper friendships, however, might allow for teasing about uncontrollable traits, but only when a mutual foundation of appreciation and understanding is firmly established. Host Ben shares his experience as a university professor, where he employs playful teasing to create a comfortable learning environment for students, highlighting the importance of quickly clarifying his intent if a student takes it seriously. The episode concludes with valuable advice on making friends. Host Ben advises vulnerability, allowing others to truly see you, as genuine friends will support you and even tease you about your vulnerabilities in a way that encourages personal growth. Guest Ben, from an engineering perspective, suggests a broad approach: surrounding oneself with many people to eventually find a compatible group. Larry humorously adds that true friendship can be measured by comfort levels, such as being able to "fart around each other." The podcast ultimately emphasizes that teasing can be a positive form of play in relationships, provided there is genuine care and accountability for one's actions and words, ensuring it never escalates into bullying.